Ep. 76. Empowering the Next Generation of Athletic Directors with Guest Monique AJ Smith

Are you ready to unlock the secrets of developing young leaders in athletics? Join me as I sit down with Monique AJ Smith, a leadership strategist who has built her career on identifying and coaching the next generation of leaders in sports. From her beginnings as a natural-born leader, Monique shares her journey of becoming an athletic director at just 28 years old and how her unique approach to leadership development has helped countless individuals advance their careers in athletics.

In our conversation, we dive deep into Monique's strategies for coaching young leaders, focusing on soft skills and personal leadership styles. Through her podcast, Chat in the Garden, and her executive coaching program, Monique offers valuable resources and insights for those looking to excel in the world of sports. We also discuss the importance of networking and how she assists her clients in finding job opportunities that align with their visions.

The Leadership Strategist and AthleticPreneur ™ Monique A.J. Smith, is a Leadership Strategist that guides Athletics Departments/Sport Organizations and Individuals who wish to advance in Athletics Administration/Sports Management careers through her company, Seeds of Empowerment LLC. Smith, a Sports Management veteran of 30 plus years, is Adjunct Faculty at Hampton University teaching Sports Management Courses. Spring 2023, Monique published her 5th issue of Significance in Athletics and Sports, that features Black Women sharing their ‘Specialized Knowledge’ in the Industry. All issues can be found at  www.seedsofempowermentstore.com or Amazon.

She is most known for her 9 seasons as the host of the internationally recognized weekly podcast "A Chat in the Garden with Monique A.J. Smith”, that spotlights Women of Color in Athletics/Sports to her 2.8K Followers.

Smith's time in Collegiate Athletics includes a 13 year tenure as athletic conference executive for the historic Central Intercollegiate Athletic Association (CIAA). She also served in various athletic administrative roles on the campuses of Saint Paul’s College and the University of Maryland Eastern Shore within a ten year period. Smith was a member of the Adjunct Faculty at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, Virginia.

With the understanding that knowledge is the key to success, Smith customizes her presentations to provide clients with leadership tools to prepare them to make informed decisions. Monique has dedicated her life to marketing the success of others, developing opportunities for the underrepresented and influencing decision makers to embrace diversity and inclusion. These actions have led to extraordinary opportunities to facilitator change and see strives in the development of others.

Chapters

• 0:05 Developing Young Leaders in Athletics
• 10:54 Developing Leaders in Sports
• 19:14 Athletic Leadership and Adaptability
• 24:53 Leadership Lessons for Success and Significance
• 32:12 Empowering Women in Leadership

Transcript

Kyla Cofer: 0:05

Welcome to the Leadership School Podcast. I'm your host leadership and self-care coach, Kyla Cofer. Here at the Leadership School, you'll hear leaders from around the world sharing their stories and expertise on how to lead with balance and integrity. Our goal Teach you how to be an extraordinary leader. Welcome back leaders.

Kyla Cofer: 0:32

I am joined today with Monique AJ Smith. She's a leadership strategist. What her niche is is guiding athletic departments, sports organizations and individuals who are really trying to advance in their careers. She is known for developing young leaders in athletics. Today in our conversation, we're going to talk about what that means and what that looks like for her, how she spots leaders and how she grows them, and what really does leadership mean to her? What does it mean to be successful and to have significance as a leader in athletics? I'm really grateful for this conversation. I know nothing about sports, so it's great to have somebody who does and to share that perspective, and I'm just so thrilled to have her here with me on Leadership School podcast.

Kyla Cofer: 1:19

Monique, thanks so much for joining me. I know you had quite the day at the last 24 hours, but I'm just really grateful for you to be here and take the time to join me on Leadership School. Thanks for coming, absolutely. Maybe you could start us off by. I would love to just hear your story. She has a really amazing story and I would love to just hear your process What led you up to where you are now and what you're doing these days.

Monique AJ Smith: 1:42

I shared with you. If we were little girls, like in the third grade, and you came to do a play date, i would have a list of the board games we're going to play and in what order. So I have been a leader since the beginning of time, and my reasoning for that I don't want us to miss any of the fun. Okay, and so fast forward. In high school I was SGA president and I really just wanted to right some wrongs and one of them was we lacked school spirit, and school spirit mostly comes from sport entities and I happened to be keeping basketball scores since the eighth grade, so it all kind of came together. My father was assistant principal, so always had to be an all athletic event, so it was just something that I saw and watched Didn't know what I was really watching, but everybody came together around an exporting event. So my leadership was around how to build school spirit. Because I just saw that we just didn't have that And I'm from a small town, from one it's one county school, but it's different towns that make up the one county So we were so separate. So I hope that kind of explains what I mean about being so separate And so fast forward.

Monique AJ Smith: 3:03

I'm in college, my English you just said well, you know, you like to plan things, you like to organize things, let's tell stories, and so majoring in public relations. So I went to Hampton University. I thought I was majoring in PR, but I was majoring in mass media arts, which was end up being doing well, because I learned newspaper, television, magazine, of course, how to become a reporter, and then the one class out of PR. But then I was introduced by a card on a bulletin board that said PR interns needed Cards on bulletin boards actually worked?

Monique AJ Smith: 3:43

Yes, it was funny, huh. And so that was my sophomore year in college It was January, in my mind of fact And I signed up. I was only woman well, only girl And I had three guys with me and we were assigned to pick the players of the week, coaches of the week. And so I was introduced to sports information director, which is the sports PR person for athletics.

Monique AJ Smith: 4:08

And again, when you think about, leadership is guiding, okay, and so in this position, you're guiding the focus of media, the crowd and even opponents because you're highlighting star players. But again, you're building community again. And so again, that's what leaders do I like to? with my clients, i like to say help you lead your ship to your desired destination. And I usually do that by asking who's guiding your ship first. I want to know what influences do you have and how much of your direction is determined by what others think versus what you know in your gut. So I help you kind of learn listen to your gut first, because if you're going to be a leader up the upfront, you should be leading for what you believe in, that what everybody else believes in.

Monique AJ Smith: 5:00

So my first job was SID. I got there for anything. I could not do my roster until all the student athletes had been clear for compliance. I got tired of waiting. I said I'm going to forget how to do this myself. So when you start figuring things out, people gravitated. People get things done, not the titles. So that's how my leadership piece in athletics began to grow. I ended up being the athletic director at 28 years old.

Kyla Cofer: 5:29

That's not common right. That's pretty unusual For myself To be an athletic director at just 28 and to be a female athletic director Oh, yes, and this is 1996, yes. That's still even not common today, but in 1996, like that was a huge accomplishment. So how did you get to be an athletic director and how did you move yourself up to that so quickly at such a young age? It's called default.

Monique AJ Smith: 5:54

I said people gravity to people to get things done, And so I was a person that got things done, when I got the title or not. And just so happens, I was working the Olympics when I got the call. He found me, tracked me down in Atlanta to say you know someone with your current athletic directors leaving?

Monique AJ Smith: 6:11

I said no, I didn't know that you know, I've been busy down here, you know, and he says I want you to take the athletic department, I want you to be that. And to my play director And I'm like huh, I want to congratulate you.

Kyla Cofer: 6:22

Even though that was a long time ago, I saw that. Give you a high five.

Monique AJ Smith: 6:27

And so I said, let me think about it. And so guess what happened that night when I was thinking about it?

Kyla Cofer: 6:32

Hopefully they raised the salary.

Monique AJ Smith: 6:34

Now, we didn't get to. We didn't get to that point. The bomb went off at the Olympics.

Kyla Cofer: 6:39

Oh, that's right. That's right.

Monique AJ Smith: 6:40

I forgot about that, and I said it was traumatic because I was in the parking. We were on the interstate. Now we're on state. We were on, it was like a four lane road and it was like a parking lot. Nothing was moving. So people were telling us what was going on And I'm like did you see? you know, we had bad cell phones. Ok, this is what we had.

Monique AJ Smith: 6:59

So I didn't have any kind of way of knowing what was really going down. And I said you know, life is short, i'm going to go ahead and take this position. Someone sees potential in me and I'm going to take it. And what things? I don't know. I'll learn on the job. And it's interesting because most people, you know, get these degrees and I believe education, but when what I learned was under fire. Now it's interesting because I just finished teaching six years at Hamp University sports management courses, like three courses a semester, and now I can say, from experience to the book, the steps you supposed to take. I can marry all that together. That's 30 years, 30 plus years. I say 30, 34, 35 years experience of leading athletic departments, athletic events.

Kyla Cofer: 7:50

So where'd you go after athletic director? How long were you the athletic director there?

Monique AJ Smith: 7:54

Two years And then I went to visual one. I became a compliance director. Ok, i'd be honest with you. I was going through a divorce, so I gave up the coveted athletic director position Everybody's like, but you're so rare And I'm like. You know what Peace of mind is something I can't put a price to, and I'm going to have to depart. And so I'll be honest with you.

Monique AJ Smith: 8:16

I covered this experience in a chapter called a public figure mass, because it is something to be a first. The pressures of being a first. People just don't don't have an understanding, even when I hear people say so. And so the first one. So I have to say a little prayer that they can deal with the pressure, because the pressure for a high achiever, the pressure and depression, come together. It looks different for a high achiever And I will say I have a tendency, even today, to go into action mode, even when there's something that I should probably stop and just feel. I try to probably avoid the feelings And I'm here to tell you you avoid them. They're going to hit you smack dab in the face.

Monique AJ Smith: 9:01

You know it's from experience, oh, that's what I'm talking about, which is why I can really work with women leaders and athletics, because I can see. Honestly I'll just say you might want to see a therapist. There's nothing wrong with you, it's just that you're snapping about things that is not really important. You need to just tell somebody to talk to the. That in second of coaching also works for some people because I'm able to help map that out.

Monique AJ Smith: 9:26

I said that was that was really. You're not going to believe this. That was passive, aggressive. You were upset about something else and you took it out on this person, and so I'm able to see that because, again, I've had a lot of experiences in these areas. So 2000, the commissioner for the CIAA said come on back home and I went to the CIAA, remained there for 13 years, went there's director of public relations, i was promoted to director of championships and director of governance and essentially a chief of staff, and within those 13 years, what I enjoyed the most was creating the professional development programs. Again, it's better to have leaders than followers, and so when you can see you talk about me being, you know, a rare situation. Most of the women that are now sitting athlete directors came from either a program I created, or how I facilitated for or or did they get coaching with, because I have a net we would find a potential in people and position them for their next.

Kyla Cofer: 10:32

So what does that look like? You have this amazing story of long experience in athletics. I know not very much about sports. I am not a sports person. This is why I really get excited about interviewing people in athletics, because it's a completely new field to me. My daughter just took softball and I was like what does that mean when they, when they're doing this? This is a new conversation for me. So you have this long history and experience in sports. So you were developing leaders in sports and athletic directors and you're noticing people and you're helping them along the way. What did that look like? I mean, what are you actually doing in these roles? Because when I think of sports, I did not actually realize there was all of this hierarchy. I thought like you went to college and you played like basketball and I get some teams, like I just really think and I knew that there's divisions, but I just didn't know how that all worked. So to hear that there's personal development programs, I'm kind of excited about that.

Monique AJ Smith: 11:21

Oh, absolutely, But it's about leadership. It's all about leadership. I kind of don't have influence on coaches because there's a lot more to it than the exes and the olds. You know, I can talk about leadership how you lead your team, how do you communicate, what tools do you use? I got a lot of tools that I share, But mostly what I'm known for is to see when that coach is ready to become a administrator. I'm known for that because I tell people all the time you can hire somebody to coach like you, but you can't hire anybody to lead like you.

Kyla Cofer: 11:54

Yeah, you're known, like you said, as the person who develops those leaders. So tell me, how are you doing that, like, how are you seeing people? What are the traits and things that you're noticing that this is a person I need to work with to develop? That's part one, and then part two is what do you do after that? What does that development of a leader look like?

Monique AJ Smith: 12:13

Well, most of the time the people kind of identify themselves as a leader. So let's just say So. I may have a person who wants me to mentor them, but I have a program. I have an advanced academy where we meet every third Sunday and I bring a topic of either I or a guest expert. So I have a guest expert that's going to be on this Sunday And we're talking about soft skills.

Monique AJ Smith: 12:39

How, if you don't have soft skills, how that stops your advancement. Because, again, i listen to when I do executive coaching. That's another piece of executive coaching that I either sitting ADs, folks who are in that, who want to advance to the next, and a not most of the time they have not positioned themselves as an expert. So then that's why I put my little marketing hat, my PR piece, on what is it that you want to be known for? Let me help you package it. That's how I got the magazines out. You can see behind me. You're paying upon where they are. This is how it flows. So we have podcast listeners. So the podcast listeners they get information for free how to advance their career and athlete administration.

Kyla Cofer: 13:20

What's the name of your podcast? Chat in the garden.

Monique AJ Smith: 13:23

Okay, chat in the garden And because when you think about me and what you think about growth. So from there you can either go and want to do executive coaching, which is we meet every 30 days and I help with a specific area, okay. But usually the first thing I do is mindset work, because we talk about what I told you about the mindset about who's got in your shift. So then when opportunities come and this has happened, i can remind them oh, find us, wasn't the reason why you want to move to the next? Oh, you want to be in this position because you want to have autonomy, but that position is not going to work for you because that president really knows sports, so you really not going to be running your own house. So I'm able to look and see this is what your guiding principles are and remind them, because when things come about, you get all excited. It's a shiny object syndrome. You got to be careful of that, all right.

Monique AJ Smith: 14:14

So then I have again the membership. They're also coming up the ranks seven weeks here and they need networking. They need to be like minded individuals, and so there I'm looking at them, talk to each other and I'm able to see their thought process. So what? one lady came to me, want to get a coaching job. I said you know what? the way you think, you really think. Look at administrative jobs and I want you to apply for this job and this job.

Kyla Cofer: 14:39

You see what I'm saying. Okay, so you've got such an in with the sports like you know who the people are, you know the networks, you know the different job positions and that it just makes sense to you. So it's easy for you to kind of look at someone and understand their skill sets, their vision and know where they would be a good fit and kind of refer and steer them into places that they would be successful.

Monique AJ Smith: 15:00

But you keep speaking about the sports and it's nothing to do with the sports at all. It's all about their leadership, you know. Do they only think about themselves? Do they consider others when they are considering the next direction we should go? Do they communicate well? Can they solve problems? and I will put them in positions like I have an event and I'll invite my clients to come and help me and I'm watching this Can they rise to the occasion Because people want people to do it? You can take a niche check. You know, if you got to have a plan and you could execute that, okay, well, that's not really the leader. That's a follower who follow direction. But can you create the plan of action and then communicate it with people that you don't even know yet? really And I watched one of my clients do that I said, oh yeah, and so put them in a position where I can see them shine and then others can see.

Monique AJ Smith: 15:54

You know, people say, oh yeah, monique, i always got rock stars. Nothing to do with sports, really, it just so happens that this is our niche, but I really can't tell you how to hire a good coach. I'm going to be watching to see if they curse the kids out. There's some kids that like that motivation, but I don't even talk about that. I'm looking at who can be favorite, perform with less resources, who's creative to be able to? if we don't have our ice machine, how can you go get ice for your players? Again, your advancement has a lot to do with how you deal with a block door. Is that a block door or is that a door of opportunity?

Kyla Cofer: 16:35

Yeah. And how do you manage the small things? Yeah, because when you manage the small things and you problem solve the small things, you have those skills to problem solve when things hit the fan or when they get bigger.

Monique AJ Smith: 16:45

Yeah.

Kyla Cofer: 16:46

Yeah. So I started this podcast because I wanted to learn and grow in my leadership journey and I have been so incredibly inspired by the guests and the conversations. So once the interview ends, i actually keep the conversation going because I have found that sometimes the richest part of the conversation is when we feel like the interview is over and we can just kind of have a relaxed, more casual conversation. Also, if you've noticed, if you've been following this podcast for some time, i used to ask every guest two questions What does integrity mean to them and what does balance look like to them? Well, I haven't stopped asking those questions. We're just putting those over on our Patreon page. So go check it out at patreoncom slash leadership school and for $6.50 a month you can support this podcast.

Kyla Cofer: 17:35

It takes a lot to produce every single episode and, honestly, I can use a little bit of support. So anything that you're able to contribute would really mean a lot to me and would be able to help me to continue to bring these high caliber guests in to have conversations on what does it look like to be an extraordinary leader and how do we practically do that. So those conversations are continuing over at patreoncom slash leadership school where I'm asking guests some extra questions, some bonus questions, and you'll get some bonus content over there. So be sure to go check it out. Thanks so much for your support and thanks so much for subscribing, listening and sharing this podcast. It does mean a lot and I'm so honored to show up here in your podcast feed. Okay, so you mentioned coaches and coaching and you mentioned just now custom at the kids. How has coaching and coaching leadership changed over the last 30 years? because I feel like people don't coach anymore the way they were coached, not coaching the way that they were coached back in 1990 that that whole system has changed.

Monique AJ Smith: 18:43

I hope not. I hope they don't. Yeah, because you cannot coach the way you were coached because kids are different. Today, if you say you can't even say you playing like a girl anymore, you can't even say we got a football team and assume is our males. You got to be ready for that young lady whose parents is oh no, my daughter would play with you because where she came from she played on a tackle team. So again, you got to be able to be improvising on how to do that. You're too young to know this.

Monique AJ Smith: 19:14

But there was a show called the White Shadow that came out in the 70s and it just so happens that my cousin played on that team, was an actor, and that's why I was watching it. Now again, i'm in the third and fourth grade and I'm watching this drama unfold. But the lessons learned in that. So we talked about how to know how to adapt. So there was a learned disability, a child with special needs, that the coach in the TV show had to try to implement in his PE class. And then the PE class transformed into like a game And at first he did not want to, he was just the principal said you got to be because, again back in the 70s it began. You must integrate learned disability students in the mainstream.

Monique AJ Smith: 20:01

In the 70s that was like unheard of, like what? you messing my flow and you see how the coach slash teacher has to evolve and then how they evolve, how the players evolve and how he becomes. It comes in an inclusive situation. So this was a 1970 show. It still happens today. You know we have a transgender. All right, you may not have ever seen it before, but it's on your campus now. How are you going to adapt? Can't have your hand in the sand.

Kyla Cofer: 20:34

You have to be ready to take leadership in that situation, and you're going to have, and they become political.

Kyla Cofer: 20:39

Right, the conversations become political, and so not only are you having to manage I'm dealing with the actual coaching someone to meet their goals or to be on a team but now I'm having to deal with everybody's opinions about how I do it and everybody's opinions about whether or not I should, and all this situation. And so it's not just one thing that coach or someone in athletic leadership is trying to manage. It's a lot of different moving pieces.

Monique AJ Smith: 21:04

Exactly, And so we need to make sure we're in a good head space. Speaking about political, everything is political, But what do you do Instead of being in the water cooler? oh, this is not right. You spend your time building relationships so that you'll have the right person, the right card to win the issues at hand.

Kyla Cofer: 21:24

So, Monique, you've kind of moved from being in official athletic positions like working for organizations, and now you're kind of doing your own thing. You've got your podcast chat in the garden. What's the name of your company that you're doing now?

Monique AJ Smith: 21:35

My company is called Seeds and Empowerment.

Kyla Cofer: 21:37

Okay, and tell me about all the little parts of that.

Monique AJ Smith: 21:40

Well, I've been full time for about 10 years but I began doing title nine audits for our universities. I was always a consultant, because I was doing this for the conference office and then other conferences was like hey, can you do a women's program for us or help us grow our women leaders within our athletic department? And I was like sure, and then I would give them the tools about title nine and it just began. Here's the point. Can you imagine

Monique AJ Smith: 22:10

being the point person to bring the unpleasantness of you're not spending money right for women, okay, do you think you get closed doors? So I reversed it. I said, okay, what you're going to do is find out where the money is being spent in the athletic department And then you're going to take the information and make a presentation to the financial people within the university and athletics And then raise your profile and then you'll know where the money is. I mean, it is nine times out of ten. That's how these women became athletic directly, because they became person to find cost savings, you see. So they figured out how to solve the problems.

Monique AJ Smith: 22:49

Right, and so, instead of saying why you're not spending money on women you go find okay, will you see this right here? This right here is a violation. But if we do blank, blank, blank blank we'll be great, awesome.

Kyla Cofer: 23:01

So, yeah, finding a way to like be the person to going above, going out of your way, to start looking for things like that, solving those problems, and then bringing them to people and saying, look, I've solved your problem for you, the problem you didn't even know you had Be the answer Yeah, and I say anything in this report I'm speaking of.

Monique AJ Smith: 23:19

No one ever wanted to do it. I said I'm going to teach you how to do it And then you're going to be the go to person And then you're going to be the answer. When you saw that one, then we say can you do fix this? How about this? Even with my executive clients right now, i said show me you should teach your plan and I'm going to help you make checkmarks. You know how are we going to get these things done? If you don't have one, i'm going to help you create one.

Monique AJ Smith: 23:43

So and these are things that presidents look at So when you say we need to do blank and blank and they say does it match it? Is it part of your strategic plan? Your athletic department should teach your plan, should be a underneath the umbrella of the university. Should teach your plan. And so then when you have these things you're trying to get done, they can't, they go. Oh, when you check your box, i can check my box, but when you go out here and say, well, we should be doing so and so, because so and so is doing it, then again you're not being a leader here, you're being a follower of somebody else is doing So like kind of just being the one to make the effort. Take the initiative. That's what people want. You want to be a leader. You got to be the one and take the initiative, yeah absolutely, absolutely, monique.

Kyla Cofer: 24:31

I'd love to hear about some of the advice that you've received along the way.

Monique AJ Smith: 24:34

You know you started off really young.

Kyla Cofer: 24:36

What's maybe one of the best pieces of advice that you've received.

Monique AJ Smith: 24:39

Oh girl, the one that I had to learn the hard way was to pick your battles, and I'm seeing that with my young folks. This whole thing about being authentic, and oh no, i'm going to be me. Okay, i have a magazine called significant athletics and sports and I'm getting ready to publish the sixth issue in August. It comes to a year and one of the ladies in the first magazine she talked about emotional intelligence and she said again, she's fairly young athlete director but a winning athlete director, division three, getting it done. And so I thought I asked her you know she's new wave, you know being authentic self, and she says they don't need to get all of you all at one time. Her name is Dr Angel, dr Angel Mason, out of a division three school in Atlanta area. But that's what she said.

Monique AJ Smith: 25:34

Because I want to give her credit, but I claim it Just to be authentic. Doesn't that mean everybody can get all of you all at one time, overwhelm them? You need to be able to get them to know you and trust you And then you can bring all of you. No one's going to even pay attention with all of you means, and so to me that goes with pick your battles because I'm like I was really I mean again being very young, 22 years old, only female I was really strict about how I let people address me And if you were a male and you said baby to me, oh, it was like war. And then I was blessed to have a female athletic director. That was my boss before I became So. I actually saw how she navigated, being around men and got their respect. That's what I was always looking for. How do you get men to respect you? And what I've learned is you got to come with a knowledge base, something that they don't know about, and that's how things I just told you about Title IX. You know how the NCAA is about to do something and position ourselves to be able to get that some of that money.

Monique AJ Smith: 26:43

So with me she was like okay, you want to make sure you want to knock people out because you call your baby. She says what are big house games? The legendary big house game calls your baby because he can't remember your name. You gonna curse him out too. I said I see your point. He might have called me gal. Come here, gal. Did he ever call you baby? Well, i'm talking about this man is up there with Dean Smith. I mean just the fact that he called me anything. I just feel so honored that I was in his presence, And so even he called me gal. I don't have to act like a gal. I carried myself in a certain way.

Kyla Cofer: 27:23

Well, we get to determine how people are going to respond to us and respect us and how we show up for something, always, 100% of the time. So, even if someone calls you something that you don't appreciate, we get to decide how we're going to respond to that. So then we're still in control in that moment And we get to decide how we're going to react and who we're going to be. So we're going to continue to be a person where they just call us by whatever random name, or we're going to get to be the show up so that they know what our name is. And we get to always, 100% of the time. no matter who you are, you always have the power over yourself and your own control and your own actions and the way that you show up.

Kyla Cofer: 28:00

And so, when you're talking about in these situations, you were just grateful to be in his presence And I, like, i think he was lucky to be in yours, right.

Monique AJ Smith: 28:10

Well, i'll give you a look again. Big House games. Now his daughter and I are the closest of family friends to this day. Yeah, i mean, it just depends. I'm really because now I'm 55 and almost everybody's younger And so I get called Miss Monique, miss Smith, things of that nature I do, correct if you call me Monique.

Kyla Cofer: 28:33

See, but now you can tell people that and then we'll respect that, of course, correct? Yes, yes, they'll respect that very, very quickly. Monique, i really appreciate your wisdom and your experience and you just sharing your life story and the way that you see leadership, because I think that's so important. We so often ask that question like, am I really a leader? And you said you bring people come to you and they say they want to grow in their leadership. But sometimes we I know for myself and I've seen this happen so many times where people go well, but I'm not really a leader. But we all are, and we can show leadership by doing things, by taking action, by taking that initiative, as you said, and that's what makes you a leader. It's a well, do you want to be a leader? If you want that position, if you want to be called a leader, then show up. Show up in a way that makes you a leader And that's what makes you a leader.

Monique AJ Smith: 29:24

Well, you know it's funny you say that because I have a lot of disgruntled people Like I never get the promotion. So what's not paying attention? I'm ignored And I say we have got to get better, because if you seek to be better, you get over the bitterness. But if you control the bitterness you're not going to get better. So let's make a decision. How are we going to get better? Now

Monique AJ Smith: 29:49

the key is when you get better, that's when you expose others to what better you got, and the exposure equals elevation. And so that's one. And number two is gotta be self affirmation instead of external affirmation. You got to know you did a good job. So that means you got to have your own measuring stick. And so when that happens, okay, that's the peanut gallery talking, don't even know what to look for. That was good. So with me I go like okay, this, this, this happened. Then I'm okay with it. Now I'm going to be better because I'm going to learn from my situation, so I can be okay with that. So, depending upon what type of job you have, when I was at SID I learned don't look for the AD, tell me good job. The media person a good job. The coach, you're telling me a good job And if I saw that kid's face light up because their name was in the paper that they made all conference, you follow me. They had a hometown paper ran my story and they never had that story in there.

Kyla Cofer: 30:59

I was good Because you had your own measurement for success. You knew what success meant to you.

Monique AJ Smith: 31:04

Well, that's another thing. I don't seek success, iI seek significance. What's the difference in that? to you, success is defined by society. It's defined by me. What do I want to leave? What is the legacy I want to be able to leave? Here's the thing. Success people are looking for like immediately or maybe in a year, but significance you really won't see until whatever you're planning takes root. If taking root, it's not happening immediately.

Kyla Cofer: 31:32

Yeah, like your garden. I love your garden analogies. It's great. Yes, absolutely, monique. I just have one last question for you. What, if anything, would you like our audience if they wanted to take something away? what's the one thing you want to make sure that they've heard today?

Monique AJ Smith: 31:45

Well, because this is about leadership. Okay, and you said, people say I'm not a leader. Well, you're leading just by being. There's someone watching you all the time. So you have to be real cautious of where you're leading them. Are you leading them to be growth mindset or a fixed mindset? Fixed mindset is what everybody else thinks that things should be. Growth mindset is what could be. Which one do you want to be? I would like to invite people to come to my store called seasonempowermentstorecom And so that you can either check out that, if you like athletics and talk about leadership, that you can come and check that out. My magazine is out Women in leadership. That's what it's all about.

Kyla Cofer: 32:33

Awesome. Well, thank you so much. I really am grateful for your time And it's just it's so fun. I really love talking to people who have these extensive careers because you have so much experience and wisdom that comes with the lessons. It's not just the tools that you have, it's all the stories that you can bring with you, and so I just really appreciate you sharing those and for being here on the podcast with me today. Thank you, thank you, Awesome. Thank you, monique. Hey, thank you so much for listening. If you've liked what you heard and you want some more tools and resources to help you on your journey, go check out KylaCovercom forward slash free stuff.